choosing faith in the unseen.

Last night, I sat in church soaking in the truth of God's Word; worshiping with a heart yielded to His mercy and grace as I listened to my son's sweet voice cry out to the One who sustains us. I'm so thankful for this life; this walk with a Savior who knows, loves and guides. We rejoiced in the test result given us that day of stage 1 remission. And in those moments of jubilee, I realized that my son was completely healed without being in any way touched by the diagnoses. Completely unscathed by cancer and the poison that is flowing through his veins. Untouched. My eyes seeing what my heart knew and proclaimed from the start. We danced and sang under the power and presence of God, along with those who have stood firm with us in truth.

Beloved, it's not that satan hasn't come to me with his wooing ways and proposals, speaking lies that are tempting but lead to death. .. he most certainly has. It's not that side effects from the poison (that we chose to proclaim in the beginning as healing balm from heaven) didn't try to exalt themselves above the name and promise of Jesus Christ our Savior. .. they most certainly did. It's not that I didn't have a choice on which road to walk. .. I absolutely did.

And I still do today. I have a choice; a part to play in the healing of my son, a free will to choose what to believe; what to let in and what not to.

I have been very aware of the death in this diagnosis from day one. I have a personal relationship with death brought on by cancer diagnosis. I know, I know, I know that kids die everyday as a result of the same diagnosis and that people suffer, but I also know a Jesus who paid the price. I have a Book that outlines the promises of God should we choose to believe in His way of Salvation and Life. I read it; I eat it and drink it, and I believe it as absolute truth to the depths of my soul.

And that, faith and belief, is the ONLY part I play in all of this.

Jesus did it all in His death and resurrection. He paid our ransom. I just simply believe it and step into the free gift that is offered because of His blood shed on a cross AND the power of God Himself that raised Him from the dead three days later. The same power and Spirit within Jesus that defeated death, God says, is within everyone who accepts Him as the truth of salvation.

There is no amount of obedience or disobedience, no works, no contract.... no nothing that we can do apart from having faith in what has already been done. His gift is free and is available to ALL who choose to believe that His promises are absolute truth. He will fulfill them if you stand on them, because that, too, is His Word of truth.

We sit here in our amazing little apartment, our gift from Papa, watching Christmas movies, because that's what we do. My son is so adaptable and so open to going as Jesus leads, that whenever we pick up and move our four-fifty pound bags to the next place, he simply asks me "is this our new home?" and goes about his happy little spirit-filled way. It seems that our tradition in moving on is watching Christmas movies. When we arrived in Uganda in July last year, we watched Christmas movies. When we arrived back to the states in Feb, we watched Christmas movies. Moved onto the Smith's in July.. yup, we watched Christmas movies. And here we are in our new home in October... and you guessed it, we are watching Christmas movies!

I find it interesting that parents can lie to their child about a made up bearded man in a red suit who brings blessings one time a year, but their hearts can be so cold and hardened to the One who created them and sent a real man to bring an eternal, everlasting blessing, as well as everything their little hearts could ever desire while living this life.

Just a thought... back to the testimony!

At last weeks clinic, CR had a miraculous CBC (blood test) that showed his WBC count to have dropped from 78,000 to 14,000 in just seven days. He had no immature blasts in his blood; his spleen and liver reducing in size at an unbelievable rate. Yet the doc, who was amazed at the result and that there are NO side effects whatsoever, was quick to point out that "he still has the disease, you know, because these four types of cells that are showing up are immature cells that shouldn't be there". Okay, I thought... thank you God for showing us what to call out by name! Rebuked! In the name of Jesus you must GO!

The following week, we were back at clinic.. which was yesterday. There was NO DOUBT in my mind that the report was miraculous because that is the truth that we choose to stand on and walk in. During our time with the doc, while we were waiting for the results, I told her of the leg pain, that for the last few days, has been trying to come against CR but how we simply prayed and it had to leave. Severe leg pain and cramping is the number one side effect of this particular chemo that causes most patients to take oxycodone at least three times a day for pain management. As it has tried to rear it's ugly head against this temple of God, we command it to leave and my boy shouts "I'm healed, it's gone" and we continue on with our day. Sometimes he is walking with a limp but it doesn't stop him from living life, and he, at five years old, gives thanks to God and chooses to go. ... in the name of Jesus no doubt! True story.

Doc and I were talking about remission, before we got the result of that very thing, and I was asking her how I would know when the ph+ chromosome was gone. I told her about how God supernaturally healed Christopher before and how I believe that He has done it again. It's funny because when you are talking with a non-believer, and especially one who is very intelligent, their brains can not seem to comprehend supernatural. She wants so badly to give numbers and statistics and explain how they do this and that... words, words, words. God bless her!

Yesterday was really just so awesome. In Jesus you don't have to come as something you aren't. He says to come as you are, and He always seems to make something beautiful of it when we do. I'm a mom in love with my son. I'm also human. Spirit-filled, but flesh nevertheless. So she talked about transplant and statistics and cases of others and I talked about God and Jesus and faith. She unloaded on what she knew, and I did the same :)

In my vulnerability to her knowledge and discernment, I could see her heart soften to the possibility that God was doing something miraculous; that she would not only get to witness but be a part of it. Something changed in our relationship in those moments.. it was obvious to us both, and I just thank God for her and what He is doing; how He will take an evil attack from the enemy and use it to good. That's His Word, read Job.. amazing God! He gave me a heart for her and I could see her through His eyes. I know He wants to use all that intellect and knowledge to His glory and to advance His kingdom. She will come to know Jesus, I just know it. Pray saints, pray for Doctor B.

There are three stages of remission, all of which have big names that I don't know or plan on learning, so I'll call them 1, 2 and 3. Stage 1 remission is when the CBC, or blood draw, comes back with a normal result. That should happen by 12 weeks of treatment, at which time they do another marrow aspiration to look at a portion of about one hundred cells. Those cells will usually show some ph+ chromosomes. The number of ph+ should be low in comparison to the good cells in order to be considered successful treatment, and if there are no ph+ chromosome cells, which is extremely rare, that is called stage 2 remission. Twelve weeks after that they will do another marrow aspiration and look at thousands of cells... a bigger picture. Again, there should be a very low number of ph+ in order to be considered successful treatment, and, if there are no ph+, even rarer yet, then it is called stage 3 remission.

I asked her if then, at stage 3 remission, CR could be taken off of the chemo and that no transplant would be needed. She says no. Because cancer 'hides' and that even looking at thousands of cells and calling it stage 3 remission in ph+cml does not mean it's gone at all, just undetectable. In fact, because he was at the high end of the accelerated phase of the disease, nearing blast crisis at the time of diagnosis (not good but not too big for the God of the universe!), the oncologists believe that he can not survive without a bone marrow transplant OR taking the daily chemo for the rest of his life, which is not likely because he is 5 and chemo is poison.

She said that there have been teens and young adults who have been in 3rd stage remission that 1) forget to take their chemo for a few days and when tested the ph+ cells have come back 2) decided not to transplant because they were diagnosed in chronic phase at diagnosis and the chemo was successful in treatment, but out of nowhere they were in blast crisis phase and no longer responding to the chemo like before. Treatment is my decision, obviously, but never in cases of accelerated ph+ cml in young people do they recommend not going to transplant because of the unknowns and risks of long term chemo. It is also highly recommended that he have the transplant within one year of diagnosis, which obviously has major risks involved.

Doc then went to get the results of the CBC and came back in smiling. This is not in her character, smiling at good news. But if God can soften the hearts of kings, He can certainly touch the heart of a smarty pants oncologist. And that is what He did as she gave the results of a PREFECT CBC after only 24 treatments. His WBC is at a perfect 4,000! His hemoglobin is at 9,000 and rising so that he is not in need of a transfusion, which time and time again they say is coming and inevitable. Those four types of immature cells that she was so adamant about pointing out the week prior... the ones we rebuked in Jesus name... GONE! All of them dead and gone. STAGE 1 REMISSION after only three weeks of treatment! She then finally agreed with me that it would be wonderful to see a miracle in Christopher. To God alone be the glory!

So as I sat in church last night worshiping our Healer, our Provider, our Savior and our King, I realized something even more than the fact that CR has not been touched by this diagnoses.

He won't be.

It's done.

It is finished.

Doc says my son must have new cells from a donor that are ph+ cancer free and perfect. I know that her mind can't wrap around this, and to be completely honest, there are times that mine can't either in the flesh, but my son does have new donor cells. They are blood cells that were already bought and paid for by our Savior Jesus Christ. Jesus. The perfect donor for my son.. matched and ready; waiting for us to believe and walk by faith step by step.

The same day my son was diagnosed was the same day that I stood in the gap for his perfect healing; the day I stepped into His grace and claimed the inheritance that is ours per the Word of God. That very moment my baby received a bone marrow transplant from heaven. It wasn't something that can be seen with the eyes, and that is why it's too hard for most to believe. But I'm here to tell you it happened and it is already done. The blood of Jesus is flowing through my son's veins; whole and perfect and pure. And what's more is that he knows it and walks in it, even if with a limp.

My choice. Our choice. Our free will to believe. My desire to walk it out to fulfillment as the Lord leads us.

For those of you that know Jesus but have been stuck in some religious box of man-made theology that is absent the POWER and GLORY that Daddy wants us to carry; absent of the FAITH required to enter into the kingdom, I pray your eyes will be opened to the full knowledge of His will; to the secret things, the mysteries of the kingdom that He so wants us to partake in and proclaim to His glory.

My pastor said last night that there are too many things intruding on the houses of Christians, and we need to put up a NO TRESPASSING sign. How true is that! It's time to stop believing the lies that satan spews, and that the world believes, and start walking in the Spirit and not the flesh; by faith in the truth of God's word. The Word says we are either for Him or we are against Him. We must stop agreeing with satan and get into agreement with God's Word. Believe on His promises for our own lives, and the lives of the lost and suffering all around us will follow. That's the gospel. That's the good news! And it is good news!

"Be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore, take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having dona all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstance take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all of the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak." Eph 6:10-20

The very hands of Jesus, the One's we claim we sooo want to be extended to a desperate world, were anointed by God, the Spirit, to heal the sick and set the captives free. That same power is alive in us. Hello! What's more is that you can't set captives free if you are not walking in freedom yourself. Satan is here to bind and keep you from the promises of God; from a life of purpose and service to Him, from abundance (yup, prosperity!)... from freedom.

"Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever believes in me will also do the works that I do; and greater works than these will he do, because I am going to the Father. Whatever you ask in my name I will do, that the Father will be glorified in the Son. If you ask me anything in my name I will do it." -Jesus

If you've never met Jesus or don't really know Him, He tells us to come as we are. Come thirsty, come hungry and get fed. Come broken and partake in His mercy and love. If you seek Him, you will find Him... if you knock the door will be opened to you. If you want to know the Truth, He is there. .. He will come and He will set you free. That is His promise to His creation. The choice is yours.

May His love fall upon you today, beloved, as you choose to believe. In Jesus precious name. Amen.

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Picture Parade!

Our ah-mazing apartment has these awesome exterior security features that raise and lower outside from a device on the inside.. that's why you can't see out the window!

Stainless, granite and travertine.. we <3 you.

Perfect for us!

Spiderman came included!

View of Children's from our kitchen window.

School resumes! You like our desk?

Eating oranges in the tub.. look at my belly!

Juicing!! We love it!

with God... ALL THINGS are possible!

I've been trying to write an update for days! Christopher was released from the hospital one week ago today. We have been staying with a dear friend since Monday and we don't have internet. I have been creative at sitting in the driveway to get an unlocked signal, but even then it's so weak that it is impossible to get anything done. So I have gone to the library a few times, but I haven't had the opportunity to respond to all the sweet emails and notes on facebook. Please know how much you all mean to us and how thankful we are for YOU! Let me get y'all updated so we can praise and pray together. Amen!

Daddy totally did a miracle with regard to getting CR's meds pushed through insurance so that we could be released from the hospital before the weekend. A week ago last Friday about 9pm, one of the nurses came into our room saying that she didn't know how it happened on a Friday night after business hours [insert a smile and a wink here], but just then she had gotten an alert that his medicine had been approved and prescribed. We would have had to wait until Monday to be released. Ha, isn't God marvelous!

CR was doing so well that Children's Hospital was like a fun resort for him... and I quote “Mom, just pick up the phone and order food! I love this place!” The new Children's Phoenix is absolutely amazing. Not something that you wish for, being admitted to the hospital with your baby, but there is nowhere I would rather be with him in our situation. The facility, the staff, the volunteers.. all of it is so over the top incredible that I thought of Africa everyday; the conditions and what people of capable of enduring just blows my mind. I praise God that He knew and kept us here, and that Children's is an amazing place for God's precious treasures in Phoenix.

The docs took him off the IV fluids that Friday night and my boy slept for 10 hours straight without having to pee. We were praising the Lord when we woke up rested for the first time in a week. His blood counts were stable that morning; not increasing or decreasing, BUT his spleen was reducing in size and it had only been a few days, so we knew his body was doing what it was supposed to be doing. Hallelujah for the healing balm from heaven!!

Speaking of, CR has not had one single negative side effect from the treatments, and still hasn't to this day two weeks later. NOT ONE. It's the most amazing gift! What's more is that he is even BETTER than before he was diagnosed. Seriously. His appetite is unbelievable. I had thought for the past few months that he was just in a stage of non-growth and therefore not very hungry. He would sit in front of food for long periods of time nibbling or eating slowly. On rare occasions he would actually eat a normal portion with an appetite. Nothing sickly, just what I can see in hindsight. I love watching my kid grub and enjoy his food, it's a highlight of my everyday. He is eating four meals a day and snacks in between! He is sleeping wonderfully, has perfect potties, a big concern and prob with chemo, is full of energy, joy.. and is just the same upbeat, life-loving Christopher Reign.

Only Papa could do something THIS spectacular! Thank you, Jesus!

The last few days in the hospital I had been asking God about what He wanted to accomplish in all of this. We have been following Jesus wherever and however He leads.. now on another faith-building curve in the road that will keep us here for a time. Being in love with Jesus changes everything. I'm so yielded to Him that I find myself on my face pleading to be used. I don't care where or how. Lord, use us!

Many have offered a room in their homes to us, knowing our circumstance. I am so humbled at that but find myself pleading with Daddy evermore to send me.. send us. If not Africa at this time, please God send us to the poor, the lost and hurting in Phoenix that need a touch from their Papa and their Friend. I don't want to be hung up in our circumstance. God help us to keep pressing in and on; moving forward despite what comes at us.

So I just asked Daddy if we could do life in the city where the hospital is and the need for Him is vast. “Would you move us into an area that you can use us?? Will you use your yielded little lovers to bring people home... right here where we are in Phoenix? Lord, please send us!”

So Monday and Tuesday I began praying our way through craigslist rentals; going out through neighborhoods and sharing the testimony of what God is doing in our lives with anyone who will listen. These days are so wonderful. We went as God led us, singing praises through inner city Phoenix. We don't have money to do this; to live in our own home and afford all that comes with that, but our Dad owns ALL the cattle on a thousand hills. I am reminded that everything belongs to Him. He wants our praise and to bless us as we serve Him. I'm telling Him we will live anywhere; the hood, a studio, whatever.. we just want His light in us to shine. He led us to dark places; $500 a month doesn't get you much! Nevertheless, we just went out seeking the place He has for us and shared His love as we went.

Tuesday, as we were at the library and I was praying through CL, Daddy whispered to go to the neighborhood that I wanted to live in, claim it for Him and that I could have it. What! I felt myself saying but... but we will go anywhere, where do You want us? Children's Hospital is on Thomas just off of 16^th street. As CR and I would stand at the window of our 7^th floor room singing praises to our Savior, I would pray over that corner; claiming it for Him. I want that one, Daddy... I want 16^th and Thomas and all that surrounds!

I felt led to change the $500 max rent search to $600 and kept praying through the CL rentals. We have been looking at 400 and 500 square feet one bedrooms and studios in central Phoenix, but I saw an ad that said 2 bedroom 700s sq ft updated four-plex, so I clicked on it. I thought it was a scam because the pics were amazing. Granite, stainless steel, wood and travertine floors, updated fixtures and just pure and new awesomeness.

I called to see 1) if it was for real! 2) if there was a one bedroom so that I could stay around $500 per month. The guy asked me if it was just me. I used that opportunity to share with him what God was doing in our lives. There was two of us but we were looking for a studio or one bedroom to keep the expenses down because we were missionaries to Africa on a faith building detour in Phoenix. He told me that since he didn't have a one bedroom to offer me, that he would just lower the price to $500. What! Haa!

We jumped in our borrowed car and made our way to the corner of 16^th street and Thomas. Yup, that's right. There, just a few blocks away from our corner and Children's Hospital, tucked into the ghetto, is the most amazing little TWO BEDROOM, fully updated, CLEAN, little slice of heaven for me and my son. Christopher even gets his own room! And our Daddy has made every way... with finances that were not available until we found the home... no job... no bank account... nothing on paper that a landlord is looking for in a renter. Electric, no deposit required! Water, no deposit required Miss Brown!

Only Papa could do something THIS spectacular! Thank you, Jesus!

We have the keys but haven't moved in yet. There has been a little delay in the utility guys getting over there to turn on the electric and water. So we just continue to praise our Father and go when and where He leads. CR and Grammy Maggie are cooking up a storm and baking cookies today.

Life is so beautifully sweet.

So many of you have asked what you can do to help us in this time. Up until now we haven't had any physical needs, and prayer was our only real need. Now that we know we are here for a while, and I just signed a one year lease, we have 12 months at $500/mo rent plus utilities and food, we need to furnish our little 700 sq foot gift from God and get a bike with trailer to go to and from our appointments at Children's.

I know Him as our provider, and I am thankful that He has lead us to complete dependence. I also know that He uses His body to meet needs. If you feel led to help us, please email me at tanib_3@yahoo.com for our address (I don't want to post on a public forum like blogger!). I will post pics of our place as soon as I have my camera with us. *Just a reminder that I don't have internet and am not on the computer often, so I will email back as I am able to get to the library :)

We had our first follow up oncology appointment last Wednesday. Watching my son leaves me in awe of God. His handiwork is astonishing, amazing and nothing short of miraculous. A few doctors and other staff had come to the appointment just to meet “the angel called Christopher Reign” that they had been hearing about. God's handiwork; His anointing smeared on the frame of a small child that I get to call son. AMAZING!

Christopher's results came back within 30 minutes and his counts are slowly decreasing. PTL! His WBC's are in the high 70,000's, down from 190,000 just two weeks ago. His target is about 4,000 (at one time I thought it was 30,000.. just kidding!) His RBC's are going up; not where they should be but improving and leaving him with no outward signs of anemia. PTL! All of his organs are working properly including his liver, and his spleen has decreased in size so significantly in such a short amount of time that is is nearly unbelievable. Only God.

After only 10 days of Miracle Healing Balm!

With his new favorite CARS snow globe.

The most amazing report though is that he has absolutely NO BLASTs in his blood! Blasts are the baby, premature blood cells that are not supposed to be released into the blood; only mature cells should be in the blood stream. When we got the results of his first CBC, CR's blood had all different stages of blood cells; blasts, mature, the PH+ cancer etc. The only way of determining the PH+ chromosome is via bone marrow aspiration, not just a simple blood draw. But his CBC came back at this appointment with no blast and all mature cells. PTL! Jesus is alive and healing today, beloved! I believe that the PH+ chromosome is dead and gone, but the only way we will know is by marrow aspiration in God's time.

Which brings me to transplant. Everything the docs are doing now is in prep for bone marrow transplant. At the appointment I just continued to rebuke anything that was not HE IS HEALED. While they all stand around in complete amazement that my babe has no symptoms or trace of poison chemo in him, they are determined to tell me that it will come and that he will need blood transfusions and that he absolutely must have a bone marrow transplant to survive. I just matter of factually explain to them about a Jesus who is alive and paid the price, and in essence that they will see a miracle because they are wrong. They smile and nod. God heals.. we just love. His way... He is working in His way and His time and we trust Him completely.

I love serving God. His plan is for us is health in whole bodies. .. joy.. peace.. lovingkindness.. blessings.. love.. life to the fullest! Everything our heart's desire is available to us NOW through the man in flesh that God sent as our Messiah; a Savior to this lost and dying world. On earth as it is in heaven. He wants life for us! He wants us to be so full of joy, so full of peace, so FULL OF HIS SPIRIT that when the world around us shakes with sin and evil, we stand proclaiming His love and goodness... and we do so with POWER and GLORY that comes only from God Himself.

Jesus Christ. The Savior of the World. The door into the heart of our Father who loves us and so desires our praise. If you don't know Him.... if you don't know Him as your Savior, your Friend, your Provider, your Healer, your Every Breath. .. if you don't and you want to, just get on your knees and ask Him to show Himself to you as Truth. Let His love embrace you and comfort you... and then call me so we can rejoice in His goodness!

You have a whole life of purpose waiting for you. You have a healed body waiting for you. You have abundant life and eternity waiting for you. So what are you waiting for?? Ask Him into your heart now and come into true life.

We love you all so much! We are so thankful for you! We pray God's love and blessings over you each time we see your emails, comments or hear your voices.

Be blessed, beloved of God.

walking by faith in Truth.

No weapon formed against me shall prosper.

I never want to forget this night, September 27. I'm supposed to be sad and in despair but instead we rejoice with thanksgiving. The diagnosis is terminal cancer, and the reports are that one child out of every five with cancer dies. I know this statistic because it was on the first piece of paper they gave me at diagnosis. That paper quickly found it's way to the trash! It's easily recognizable that death is spoken over life here and that people are filled with hopelessness and fear.

But flowing out of our room is glory itself. The bright smile of God's treasure. Praises and joy, great hope, laughter in abundance, life.. despite the circumstance, all because of a man who was put to death on a cross over two thousand years ago. A man who we love to the deepest depths of our soul; who gives us hope and a future.

Tonight will be the first dose of chemotherapy for the five year old love of my life. I waited 19 months for him to be home and in my arms forever. He didn't grow inside my womb, yet my heart would never know. I am privileged and overjoyed to be chosen as his mom; chosen to stand on the front lines of this battle ground. It's war but nothing new for him. So tonight we prepare for the poison that we choose to call 'healing balm from heaven', and we give the One who knows each hair on our heads; the One who knows at which moment we will draw our last breath, all of our praise and adoration because our hearts know the truth.. that in Jesus we are victorious and death has been conquered.

I called on our pastor, elders and intercessors and we anointed Christopher Reign with oil; praying, praising, rebuking this assignment from hell and claiming the victory over his life. We rejoice in his healing because we know the word of God to be true. “Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up.”

Faith. 

Maybe it's easier for me today because I've seen God heal my boy supernaturally before. Perhaps it's because He sent an angel to escort us through the hospital just blocks down the road three years ago; not having filled out a single paper or telling anyone our names, yet being whisked through the double doors without intake and being called by our first and last name, getting treated like royalty and not paying a cent for the ER visit that confirmed God's healing touch on my son's brain. Certainly faith for me comes from knowing what He has done in my own life. The word says if you don't understand the dynamic of the Father and Son to just believe on the miracles until you do [John 14:9-11]. That's a good word, beloved.

I know my Daddy has been wooing me into the secret place of His heart through all the pruning and purifying of our six year walk, and it is there, in His heart, that He has been preparing me for this battle. He told me eight months ago that I was in a time of learning and preparation; that He wants me walk as He did. And here we are with our Goliath, and I have a slingshot too. Mine is the living breathing word of God. These months of preparation; discovering a heart of worship, eating and drinking the word.. hiding it deep down in my heart for such a time as this. Abiding in Him.

After all of our visitors left, the nurses came in with our healing balm. I wondered how awful poison must taste. Knowing now because I watched my baby gag, spit, cry and wretch as the masked and gloved nurses shot it into his mouth. When all was finished though, Christopher Reign looked at me and said “Tomorrow we should go pray for the sick kids here so that they know the love of Jesus”. 

I was reminded of the time when Jesus healed Peter's mother-in-law. Immediately after she was healed she got up and began serving her Lord. I knew our Daddy God was confirming to me that Christopher was healed.. giving me more to hold onto in battle. My son IS HEALED; regardless of what the report says, regardless of how he feels, or even what is said about him, my boy knows he is healed and whole in Jesus. And so he got up and began to serve his Lord in thought and deed.

We walk by faith according to the truth of God's word, not by what we see and hear in the natural. When I got the call from the adoption agency that the child I loved had severe frontal lobe brain damage and cerebral palsy, I fell apart. “This is not what I signed up for, God, I can't do this.” That's what I told Him for 72 hours. I had met Jesus less than one year prior and had not yet built a foundation.

Daddy, in His lovingkindness, spoke to me. He told me that His promises for me and for Christopher had not changed with the world's news; that it was true I couldn't do 'this', but that with Him I could, and to go get my son. My mourning turned to joy! Not because I knew He would heal my son, I didn't even know the word of God yet, but because I had heard His voice and I believed what He said... that with Him I could do anything.

Together we have journeyed the five years since then. God has shown Himself to me as my Father, my Husband and my closest and truest Friend. To detail what He has done in my heart would take pages and pages and a lot of time. As I have sought the truth of life and purpose, He has walked beside me, carried me, reprimanded me and most importantly taught me love. I look back and see His hand all over my life; I see Him everywhere beckoning His creation to acknowledge Him, if only to realize that the gospel.. the Truth.. is the glorious fulfillment of every single thing our heart will ever desire right here and now, on earth as it is in heaven.

I find it impossible not to praise Him... as I walk, sleep, bathe, go to and from, in health and in sickness. He has never left me; He does not leave us as orphans.. I have come to understand that this term is not just for children without parents. He has shown me more and more truth as I seek and submit. I have yielded myself to Him; to finding the purpose of my life in this world. The purifying fire of God is intense and intoxicating. Jesus is not religion, but a relationship; an entrance into the beating heart of our Father.

I know I am prepared. He has prepared me for this. Because of His love.. because of His promises.. because of Truth, we rejoice and we praise Him despite what the news is once more.

I held my son in one arm, pulled in close as he drifted off to sleep. In the opposite hand was my bible. With tears of joy and a thankful heart, I prayed God's word of life and promise over him as the healing balm from heaven started a work in his little body that only a supernatural miracle can complete.

A few days later, as I am reading the story that reminded me of my son, I am completely wowed by Papa's words and confirmation. “And when Jesus entered Peter's house, He saw his mother-in-law lying sick with a fever. He touched her hand and the fever left her, and she rose and began to serve him. That evening they brought to Him many who were oppressed by demons, and He cast out the spirits with a word and healed all who were sick. This was to fulfill what was spoken by the prophet Isaiah: 'He took our illnesses and bore our diseases.'”

"Jesus said, 'Go; let it be done for you as you have believed.' And the servant was healed that very moment."

I am not researching, worrying or giving into the enemy's attempts to speak death into our situation. All kinds of things are coming at us, but we are only allowing in the truth in word.. the rest is rebuked as we keep our gaze focused on the Healer Himself. We are hunkered down in battle; standing firm in truth as Daddy writes another chapter in His story.

Today we are leaving the hospital; doing outpatient chemo with follow up. Please understand that anything beyond today is not our focus or even in the realm of my knowledge. I don't know when and how our Lord is going to give His perfect report, but be assured that when He does, you will loudly hear the praises of His servants.

Before starting the 'healing balm from heaven'
[Spleen overtaking his abdomen]

Dr. Reign working on his patient <3

In Jesus name, I command the leukemia to leave his body. Jesus paid the price for this healing on Calvary 2011 years ago. Leukemia is not this boys portion. It was nailed to the cross w/ Jesus. So we stand in the awesome power that raised Jesus from the dead and I command cancer to leave Christopher now in Jesus Name  - the name that all sickness must bow down to. Your appointment against him is canceled. Your assignment is completed. Get out of him and off him now in Jesus name. Father God thank you for healing Christopher. You said healing is the Children’s bread. You said none of these sicknesses and diseases shall come upon us. You said you are the Lord God that heals. You said all who came to Jesus for healing where healed. So we stand in faith and thank your for your promises for complete healing for Christopher. Thank you Father. Thank you Jesus. And, we pray your perfect peace for Tonya and Christopher in Jesus name. We love you Lord. We bless you. And I bless Christopher and Tonya in Jesus name. Amen. So be it.

[A perfect prayer from a sister in Christ we haven't yet met.]

train up a child.

'Train up a child the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.' -Proverbs 22:6

Today my baby boy asked Jesus to come into his heart. So precious and so tender; words I will never forget....

"Jesus, I want to walk with you all of my life. Will you come into my heart and live forever?"

Last night I came into the bedroom to find Christopher in tears sobbing over the death of Jesus. This was after he had been reprimanded in the bathroom while getting ready for bed for his attitude in the way he has been addressing me lately. As we laid there he was full of questions. We have gone through these same questions a few months back when he watched the Jesus film for the first time. This was just another sweet time of snuggling, talking and praying.

In the car this morning, Christopher took the same attitude with me again. I pulled over into a parking lot so that we could talk about why he is talking with this newfound tone. He has such a gentle and humble spirit though, despite this time of testing, so as soon as I starting talking with him, his lip began quivering and then the tears came. We talked through it and prayed, and got back on the road.

We continued to talk about sin, and how Jesus forgives us every time we confess our wrongdoing to Him. Chris continued to ask questions and was especially interested in knowing more about how Jesus could be in his heart if He died.. wanting more explanation that I have given him up to this point. So we talked about how when we confess our sinfulness to Jesus and our belief that He is God's son, the God sends to us the same Spirit that lives in Jesus. That sealed the deal for him. So we pulled over again in another parking lot and my boy prayed his very own sinners prayer.  

My son has been praising Jesus since he was a little guy. I remember the first time I looked in my rearview mirror to find his eyes closed and his hands held high in full surrender to God. I would leave him on the changing table to get clothes and turn back around to find this.

[two year old prayer warrior]

He has always loved to pray..

bedtime prayers

blessing our food

and read his bible..

and praise Jesus!


But today, at five years and two months old, he asked Jesus to come and live in him so they could walk together forever. And as I sat with him on the side of the road holding his little hands and mine, I just sobbed and thanked God again for allowing me to be Christopher's forever mom, and for writing my boy's name in the Lamb's Book of Life.